Postpartum comes with a lot of unpredictable situations and it’s important to acknowledge that resentment during postpartum can rise up. It’s also important to know that this is okay, and it does not make you a bad mother. I’d like to share some tips to certain resentment situations that might manifest during postpartum so that you can feel confident in knowing that it is okay to feel this way but to also know how to react or handle these situations.
#1 In the early stages of postpartum you may find yourself carrying the mental load for everyone.
It’s important to remember that yes, you are a mom and have responsibilities, but you also just gave birth, and your body and mind needs to process that and heal. Take some time to ask for what you need or maybe find support, there is nothing to be ashamed, we all need it at times.
#2 “How is your baby doing?” is the most common question asked when YOU just had a baby.
No one really asks you how you are doing and that can sometimes be emotionally painful. You might feel like all of the attention is with baby or making sure baby is doing okay- and it hurts. I get you. For this reason, it’s important to ask if you need something. You are allowed to be pampered too. You are allowed to seek for help around the house to cook or clean or help out with your older children. Don’t be afraid to be visible. You’re already taking care of your baby, but you also need to be cared for.
#3 Feeding your baby is no joke.
Whether you decide to breastfeed or give formula or do both, doing any of these is difficult. It takes time to adjust to the night-time feedings as well so it’s definitely a stress factor. Doing whatever works for you and your family is what I recommend. Whatever that looks like. Maybe it’s having your partner or an adult feed your baby 2 times at night while you rest for a while and recharge or maybe this means hiring someone to help throughout the night or day.
#4 Missing parts of your identity from before is completely normal.
You feel like you are not yourself anymore because your schedule is dependent on your baby now. However, it is important that you find ways to cope with your new normal. Your body might look different, your marriage, your social life but remember that this is just a phase. Accepting the reality will leave all expectations behind. Find positive affirmations that will help you process so much change all at once and when you are ready find a small place for you, just for you. Even if it’s two or three minutes.
You are allowed to feel many feelings at the same time, especially during postpartum. Communicating and accepting these feelings are a great way to start responding. Also know that whenever you are struggling to feel these emotions, many mothers have also been in the same position, yet they have not talked about it or have not talked about it enough.